How to: Save a Life and Eat Ice Cream

My friends were down at my college last year visiting. You know, just visiting. There is an ice cream shop called Mountain Frost Creamery. We went there. We felt as young children getting ready to embark on a maiden voyage- an ice-creamy adventure that would result in a debilitating sugar crash.

We walked in. Wide eyed. “Oh boy, oh boy!!” my friend Eric said. We picked out what we wanted and looked around. There was no one working. We became enraged. We were those people. The ones that rang the bell. No answer. As my angry friend Eric began preparations to burn down the store, I said, “Nay, Eric. Hold thy temper as a man with strong hands.” No, I didn’t say that.

My friend Phil began to walk behind the counter, then looked at me. He said, “guys, come look. She’s laying on the ground.” Oh crap. I walked back there, and sure enough there was a girl lying on the ground. She had contorted her body to create one terrifying angle. I slowly approached and asked her if she was okay. In retrospect, that was a stupid question. She peaked through the hair that was covering her face, kind of like those girls from Japanese horror movies.

She said her stomach hurt. Thinking we were doctors, we diagnosed her with appendicitis. We called her boss, then we called 911. Joe and Phil put her in a chair and stopped her from falling over multiple times. “Chivalry is not dead my lady” said Phil.

I marveled at the gelato.

As a concerned patron of this fine ice cream establishment, I knew my duty. Hannah and I immediately grabbed aprons, and put them on. We ventured to the ice cream counter and began to heavily sample the ice cream. For quality control of course. Just then a co-worker showed up. My friends said Kyle he’s here, take it off. Fortunately, the apron got knotted up, and I had to shimmy it down off my feet. I kicked it off, and we walked in front of the counter.

Expecting a free ice cream, we ordered. We received 20 percent off. Once again, heroism goes unnoticed. It’s the price we pay. I can’t wait to see her again, and tell her how we saved her life. Surely there will be parade of epic proportions on the streets at high noon. Shriners included.

Here’s some pics of the action