I made my way to the checkout line at my local Bloom grocery store, and much to my chagrin a nerd son and nerd father were in front of me.
I immediately identified the nerd family by looking at the nerd son. When I approached the line, a bag of grapes was being swiped across the beeping machine and into a bag. The nerd son immediately, and without hand-eye coordination, grabbed a handful of grapes and shoved them in his mouth, all while looking at the girl bagging them like, “Don’t tell my nerd father that I’m sneaking healthy food.” The nerd son was wearing jeans with a dress belt that fastened his pants securely onto his rib cage. His button down shirt tucked in. As mine eyes observed the nerd son a we bit more, I came to his face. He had glasses of course and a buzz cut. Wait…he turned around, and it appears to be a mullet. A buzz cut mullet. Our eyes locked and he knew he was guilty of being a nerd son. I imagine it is the same look he uses when he receives an A-.
I turned my attention to the nerd father. He was smiling and very pleased with life in general. His nerd attire matched his patented 1984 hair cut and glasses. Don’t be deceived. His looks in no way reflect the amount of nerd money he had in his pockets. As his nerd son continued to shove grapes in his nerd mouth, the father exclaimed, “Quit eating grapes!” Nerd son, frightened, turned around once again revealing his nerd mullet. The father was still smiling. “I just can’t stop this kid from eating healthy food,” he thought. I have never been yelled at for eating too healthy.
The cashier was having trouble processing the check and was looking for something. The nerd father, KNOWING what the cashier was looking for, rattled off a few numbers with a sinister grin on his face. Then with a, “HA! Beat you to it” look on his face, he said, “The state code. That’s what you’re looking for. It’s Utah.”
“Ultimate pwnage,” the nerd father thought to himself in his own nerd culture’s language. The cashier, enraged with his recent pwnage, regained his confidence when he asked me if I had a Bloom card, which I didn’t, and had to pay full price for my items.
The entire time the nerd father was smiling. I believe it is because his pockets were full of nerd money, and because he knew he didn’t have to worry about his son dating for a long time. This is why he raised him as a nerd son, and why he allowed the ultimate nerd mullet to adorn nerd son’s head. Also, he knew that his son would never get into trouble with his friends, because they were all make believe characters on a computer game. He also knew no matter what his nerd son did in the future, he too would have vast amounts of nerd money. He literally has no worries.
And without even knowing it, we have all been pwned by the nerd father’s wisdom.
please feel free to share your nerd thoughts, stereotypes, and encounters