Monday, December 8, 2008

How to: Survive One Night at Myrtle Beach with Absolutely Nothing

I was 18. Fresh out of high school. My family goes to Myrtle Beach every year. I brought 3 of my friends. My friends and I decided to stay another day while my family went home. The only problem is, we couldn’t stay at the house we were in, and we had nothing…
After a long night out on the town, I had to wake up early and clean the house before we had to get out for good. I remember I ate ice cream cake for breakfast on the porch. After that, I had to wake up my friends and we were out. We drove around trying to find a hotel for cheap for that night…
We drove down the “strip” where the hotels were. We would stop the car, and 3 of us would split up and run into different hotels and find out how much they were. We drove around forever and found nothing. After a while, my friend Eric ran back to the car excited. “I FOUND ONE, I FOUND ONE, $65!!” No way, we got in the car, and drove over to the hotel. 65 sounded crazy because everything else was about 200. We park the car, he gets out, walks to the office door and pulls. It’s locked. We sat in the car confused but watched him look around. We see him walk up to someone, talk, hang his head, and walk back to the car. He gets in the car and says, “She was a prostitute” He thought she worked there. We laughed a lot.
Upset, we decided to eat. We discussed where we would stay that night, then we decided to take a nap. We drove to a parking garage to what would later be referred to as “level 4 to the extreme.” It was extreme because my friend Eric slept on the oil stained ground in a sleeping bag and the rest of us slept sweating like crazy in the car with the doors open. Then we rolled around on luggage racks.
With no place to sleep that night, I decided to try Wal Mart. I had seen an episode of Saved by the Bell where they slept in a mall all night to score some U2 tickets. HA! Those kids… so we went to Wal Mart. We went to the bathroom and there was a guy obliterating the stall. U know how you can’t laugh because u don’t want to be rude. We were all silent laughing so hard we were crying.
After that we found chairs that turned into beds, we laid them out under the shelves so we could sleep there. It was a 24 hour Wal Mart.
Then we ate some more. We saw a girl that looked like a crazy caveman version of my friend. What up Andrea E.
We had to figure out where we were going shower. After all, we were going out that night. I decided to try the house we had just stayed at all week. I figured we could use the outside shower. New people were already there. We then snuck into an empty house’s outside shower. The water was off. We drove to a house where a man was sitting outside. We made Eric go ask him if we could use his shower. The guy said, “Oh yeah man, I was in high school once” He was also drinking and way too excited to have us shower at his house. That was a very awkward time for all of us.
We went out that night. It was crazy. We went back to WAL MART and it was way too busy to sleep there. We decided to drive home. We said we were all going to take turns, but as soon as we started driving, I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until we got home. Apparently we stopped a couple times and almost died, but I’m ok with not remembering that.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

How to: Choke on Steak and Almost Die (with actual pics)

Many have heard. Many have not.

Last year, I was eating steak at a restaurant I won’t name: Texas Roadhouse. I stabbed the steak with my fork, placed it in my mouth and immediately began to choke. I threw up all over my plate and hands, but the piece of steak was MIA.

I literally thought I was about to die. I could barely breathe. I could talk, but was still choking on steak at the same time. “You silly steak part…” I thought as I gasped for air. I tried to throw it up. That did not work. I could not swallow water. I could not swallow my own spit, and I had to throw it up constantly.

“This isn’t good.” said Kyle to himself.

That night, after hours of standing outside, I wrote a facebook note, that was a “joke.” It was actually my will. I tried to sleep, but I woke up at 4am, and I could not breathe. Scared that I was about to die, I drove to the ER and almost died on the way there. I almost passed out, and I was cold and shaking. They made me stand behind the counter in case I died. …Sweethearts…

Eventually they put me in a room. Gave me morphine. Morphine made every muscle in my body tighten, then relax. Morphine was so good. They gave me a medicine that would “loosen my throat” so the steak would go down. That didn’t work.

The next day, after I hadn’t been able to swallow anything, I went to the ER again. It had been 2 days with steak in my throat. I laid in the hospital room for 10 hours. They gave me more meds, but my skin was so thick because I was dehydrated that it made it very difficult to get the needle in my vein. That wasn’t cool. Then a doctor came to me and said they were going in to get it. I wrote a goodbye message on my cell phone that night. They wheeled me back to the OR. They gave me this medicine to knock me out. I said “Here we go.” And that was the last thing I remember.

I woke up, kind of…and the doc showed me a pic of the steak. It was nasty, round as a dime, and about two inches long. “Silly Kyle” I thought. Below is the tool they used to push the steak down.

I had to call the doctor and sign a release form for the steak pics, but there they are.